Relationships: what do people (with disabilities) want? - Wildwood ...

By Donna Dorsey, Residential Social Worker

Most people are not solitary creatures and tend to reach out to bond with other human beings. We are typically social beings that look to others to fill our needs and compliment our individuality.

Should it be expected that this tendency is any different for people who happen to have a disability?

What do people who have a developmental disability want from others? The best way to answer that question is to ask yourself what you want. And? People who have a disability want the same things.

I have been supporting adults who live in their own homes around relationship issues for nine years. In my experience, people want their lives to count for something and they want to have meaning and purpose. They want to have meaningful friendships, to date and maybe to marry.

In general, people who have a disability don?t want to be seen as different from the world they perceive around them. I asked several women with developmental disabilities what the most important things are to them in a relationship. Some of the things that they weighed in with: someone you can trust; a good friend who shows respect; getting to know the person really well before dating them; a companion; someone to do things with. The men replied: love; honesty; loyalty and dedication, compassion; compatibility and a 50/50 two-way street.

Individuals with a disability also don?t want to be seen as different from the world they perceive around them. That can present challenges and affect how they feel about themselves.

Things that they see in the media can skew their perception of healthy relationships and combined with some negative relationship experiences from the past, it can take a toll. Sometimes life experiences put a heavy strain on relationships. They may struggle with issues that impact their ability to communicate effectively and may also get in the way of building new relationships.

I have seen that impulsivity; misinterpreting social cues and boundary issues create many problems in relationships. When I ask people with disabilities directly about their relationship struggles, they have asked: how and where can I meet people; how do I know that I can trust someone, how do I start and end conversations, how do I deal with pressure from family and friends; how soon after meeting someone should I start to date? So many of these are fears that we all share.

Much of my relationship facilitation occurs in real life social settings. The idea is to have people practice in situations similar to the ones in which they live. Likewise, I believe in putting the ?social? in social work so most of my work occurs in natural community settings like restaurants and malls, especially in settings that may have caused concerns. We also work in informal gatherings in each other?s apartments.

Topics in small groups vary but have included: reading social cues; providing concrete examples as to when it?s okay to look at someone and not to stare; how following someone to greet them could be interpreted as stalking.? Other popular relationship issues such as how to let go of grudges; understanding communication breakdowns; how to get to know someone; how to host or be a guest at a gathering; and how to grow friendships have all been covered.

All of us have strengths and struggles when it comes to the complex set of skills that are inherent in communication, relationships, and friendships. People with disabilities just sometimes need a little extra support.

Source: http://blog.timesunion.com/wildwood/relationships-what-do-people-with-disabilities-want/1124/

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